Posted by: Heather | October 20, 2008

like-minded part 2

Some brief thoughts about being like-minded.

First, I have to explain that there are dual thought processes going on in my mind around my studies. I have been thinking about Philippians, but I have also been thinking about the concept of marriage John Piper speaks about in the videos posted in my previous blog.

A brief summary of both would be:

Like-mindedness is not about what we think, but about what we value. The standard we are to use in estimating value is Christ and his value system.

Marriage is magnificent because it reflects something magnificent. Marriage is something God invented to reflect on earth the relationship Christ has with his church.

I think a godly marriage will be a good example of like-mindedness. It is not that the man and wife think the same thoughts, or even think the same way. As a matter of fact, you only need to be married about 5 or 6 . . . MINUTES to realize that this would be an absurd thought. However, in a godly marriage, the man and wife have the same value system, and every time they are at odds the disagreement is taken back to the common values, and an agreement is reached. Also, their love for one another makes the sacrifices they make for each other natural, even insignificant.

Let me give you an example from Heather and my marriage. One from way back that might not be a sore topic anymore. When I was single, one of my favorite snacks or desserts would have been chocolate cake. However, I had a favorite way of eating it that didn’t work too well after we got married. You see, my favorite way to eat chocolate cake was not on a plate, but in a bowl. I liked to pour milk over it and smash it all up, frosting and all. The better the cake, the more enjoyable it was for me to eat it this way. However, the first time I did this to one of Heather’s masterpieces (and yes, it was a masterpiece, no one makes chocolate cake like Heather) she was insulted. You see, in her mind, the only reason to eat cake like that was to cover for some horrible mistake like burning the bottom or something. Well, to make a long story short, I don’t eat chocolate cake in a bowl, and I still enjoy it. As a matter of fact, it has been so long since I have eaten one this way that the thought doesn’t occur to me anymore when I am given a plate of chocolate cake. I like chocolate cake in a bowl of milk, but I would never want to insult Heather. That is a no brainer.

Another instance that comes to mind is the smell of Pend Orelle Lake. I used to love the smell of the lake as I drove across the Long Bridge. However, Heather thinks it stinks. One time after we had been married about 2 years, I remember starting across the bridge on my way home from work on a fall afternoon and instinctively rolling up the windows. Heather wasn’t even in the car. I realized at that time that I could develop habits of doing things her way that would eventually make them my way of doing things as well. And you know what? 16 years later, I would have to agree, the lake stinks. Must be more pollution now than before. . .

The two become one, and we enjoy our new life together. We don’t stop being individuals, but we develop a collective value system that changes the way we do things.

Like-mindedness is about loving one another more than ourselves, and because of love we live a life making adjustments to our own ways of doing things. This is not a painful sacrifice when the one you are changing for is more important than what you are changing from.

Just some more thoughts.

Craig

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Responses

  1. HeHe.I can’t stand it when Lyle loads everything up with salt and pepper. Nothing like stating that it’s just not good enough the way it is….Of coarse he feels the same way about ketchup. (:Thanks Craig.I always enjoy reading your posts!

  2. This goes along with something that I have been contemplating the last two days… I guess it is a repeat offender, really. We say, “I believe God’s Word”, we say we agree with the pastor, we think we live up to the standards, but because we aren’t close enough to Christ, we don’t actually see the rub. That is, I thought I was a pretty easy going, easy to get along with guy before I had a roommate.(The roomates were a blessing too, because I had a lot of rough spots to sand off before marriage…)Anyway, like minded… I love it. Having like goals, like ideals… In the church and in marriage being yoked with polar opposites in personalities and gifts… Whooda thunk!Thanks for helping me get this into words… it has been rattling around for a day or two..

  3. good thoughts…unfortunately, I had to learn what it is to not be like-minded in dating (at least it was still dating!), and did not make things easy, but looking forward to marriage with a Godly woman, who shares the same values. so i was thinking you could have a glass of milk with your cake, take a big swig when she isn’t looking, and then a bite of cake. = )

  4. Jay used to like food a certain way…the way his mom did it. =) I must say this was quite upsetting to me the first six months we were married. Well, he must have learned to like the way I make it or he learned to pipe down after the night he nearly ended up with a whole pan of mac & cheese on his head.(I said *nearly*) He almost NEVER complains about how I cook now, it's the opposite in fact. He never eats cake though so I'd be thrilled if he smashed it up in milk instead of throwing half the cake in the trash! =) I gotta tip my hat to all you fellas, because if I really think about it, it seems you do more of the adjusting to be like-minded.And yes, I am very grateful that the Lord has given me someone who loves Him. I can't imagine not being like-minded in this area.

  5. I finally got back to read your posts, stayed home from work today. Terah and I are complete opposites in everything, but because we share “values” we have never had a hard time raising the kids together, she has always been faithful in church no matter how hard it is, and more and more we are headed in the same direction with our lives even being such opposites. Makes it easier to understand how you explained it, values vs thinking.

  6. What’s up with “Helmet-Slayer”? 🙂 Sounds like a video game nametag.

  7. Helmetslayer keeps me humble. a couple of years ago, maintenance made an extremely foolish move while i had my special firebox hood on with my head in the boiler firebox (while the boiler was running). the effect was that the boiler went out of control. Once i was done being scared i got mad and threw my “helmet” accross the room. my crew started calling me helmetslayer. Just a reminder that i am not perfect, and that imperfections in public can be hard to live down.Craig

  8. I am happy to be able to say that I have grown beyond the tendency to feel disgusted that you would ruin a perfectly good piece of cake. I still don’t get it. But don’t feel insulted anymore. As “they” say, there’s no accounting for taste 😛Heidi, again your comment sounds so like my own experience. When we were first married, I was seriously suffering from a case of newlywed insecurity. Especially in the area of cooking. I made lasagna, swedish meatballs, homemade rolls, from scratch spaghetti sauce and chili, elaborate sauces…and felt as though I had been slapped whenever he would mention that “I remember when Mom made this…” or “Mom used to make this with…” “Or I used to love it when Mom would make…” or “maybe you could ask Mom for her recipe for…” AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! I really wanted to say “Why don’t you just GO have your mom make it! (Come to think of it, I may have actually said it once)” But looking back, I think guys who love their moms will naturally tend to want to share those special feelings with the new lady in their lives. And although some DO make unkind comparisons, I believe Craig was simply trying to relay his appreciation of what I had done by setting my efforts right up there with the ones of the lady who had previously been his #1. Concerning food, I think what burned me up the most was that after a year of creating a huge variety of meals for him, he confessed to me that his most favorite foods (with perhaps the exception of lasagna) were “plain” ones. Slap a side of beef on the grill, mash a few potatoes, a spoonful of baked beans, MAYBE heat up a can of green beans— I just didn’t “get” how he would prefer “vittles” to “cuisine”. But over the years I have come to appreciate that he isn’t finicky or demanding because as our family grows, I have a LOT less time to sit around planning elaborate menus. And I am grateful that he eats whatever I make and does not complain. Neither does he allow the kids to complain, which can go a long way toward avoiding mutiny over the sauteed zucchini and mushrooms.I do think that being “like minded” is important in the way we perceive our ultimate goal. We need to both be on the same page concerning Who really runs our home. And we both need to be willing to give as well as take in our relationship. We both bring different perspectives to the relationship, but working together isn’t too difficult when we both recognize and accept the natural order that God has laid out for households of those who follow Him. Differences in personalities/abilities are part of God’s plan for the Body. We are supposed to help build each other up, support each other in the areas of weakness, and learn to be humble and appreciative of those who offer their help. Unity–oneness of purpose is essential. If a family (whether individual, church or otherwise) doesn’t learn to pull together toward a Christ-centered goal, it will end up pulling itself apart.


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